Why being more of who you are is urgent.

Oof this is a subject at the very heart of TVH, one of the key messages we are here to share, loud and clear. A topic that we are going to be talking more about and even lecturing on to university students as the year unfolds. Why? Because no matter what stage of life we are at, the world can get very noisy telling us who it thinks we should be - in order to be accepted, admired, desired. Society, culture, media have decided how YOU (especially if you identify as female) should look and behave if you want to achieve the traditional standards of ‘success’. And the noise can be all consuming. It shapes our beliefs and it makes us forget who we are. 

The noise might have come via comments and opinions when you were growing up - parents, family members, school teachers, pals. As we move into teens and the world begins to open up and the messages come at us from every angle; social media, magazines, movies, TV, radio, advertising. Everywhere we turn, we are being told who and how to be; how to act, how to fit in. So much of it is subconscious; we don’t realise we’re absorbing thousands of messages every day. We get on with growing, developing, expanding as best we can, in the direction that seems to make sense to us at the time. These influences determine our personal depiction of ‘success’ and the vision that we create as the ultimate goal to move towards, all the while making choices that reflect what we have been told will make us the most acceptable.

As you’re reading this you may think ‘this doesn’t really apply to me, I feel like I've had a firm handle on my identity since I was young’ and maybe you have. Perhaps you remember specifically not wanting to conform, bucking the status quo, determined to express who you were even if it wasn’t particularly palatable to those around you, or to those ‘in charge’. Or maybe - you have carved out an identity that people respond well to, but is it authentic, is it natural or are you performing at times? Because performing becomes tiring and our souls don’t feel fulfilled when we are seeking constant validation.

The problem with ‘the noise’ is that it can pull us off track and away from who we really are. If you are trying to act a certain way, to fit in, to be like everyone else - when you do this you lose your ‘you-ness’. I remember my whole life hearing the term ‘just be yourself’ which is not particularly helpful as we’re growing, and we haven’t really figured out what that is yet. But now I fully understand that losing your ‘you-ness’ is one of the saddest, most detrimental things that can happen to us humans. We become a duller version of ourselves, the inner flame diminished, only just flickering. It's exhausting and draining and stressful to perform and strive to fill a role, but even worse is an almost extinguished inner flame.

When you express more of who you really are, magical things can happen. You attract your tribe, your people. You give out a vibe, an energy that is intriguing, interesting...kind of irresistible. People admire those that are true, honest, authentic, genuine. They will respect you, remember you. I wish I could have understood this when I was younger. Whatever path you are treading you can always bring more of YOU to it. And when you do? You will shine. Your soul mates will cross your path. And life will have more grace, more flow, more ease, more creativity. Less push and pull and hustle and force.

How do you explore and embrace more ‘you-ness’? Anything that sparks your inner joy or creativity please do it. Do it knowing that the time taken is not in vain, it is not indulgent or a waste. Do it knowing that when you light yourself up everyone will benefit. The next day you will think more clearly, have more ideas, be more present in conversations. Can painting in the evening mean everyone gets a better version of you the next day? Erm yes, it most certainly can!!

And this can be quiet, this can be loud. Whoever you are and whatever lights your flame and makes you feel more like ‘you’ can come in every form imaginable. Quiet, loud, peaceful, energetic and everything in-between. Just allow yourself MORE of whatever makes you feel your best. Whatever that is, however it looks. If its playful, explorative, adventurous, don’t turn the volume down. If its creative and visual, imaginative and artistic, cultured and experimental, don’t dilute yourself. If it's quiet and slower, inspired by nature, creative thinking, writing, helping, learning, being - don’t let yourself get drowned out. Of course we all embody each of these parts at times - listen to yours and honour them when they want to be seen and heard.

It takes courage. Go easily, gently….sometimes it won’t work and you’ll find yourself returning to old patterns, fitting in, conforming, performing. And that's OK, try again next time, gently taking steps forward. Listening to yourself, honouring yourself.

Honing true character is the greatest act of self respect. So how can you work out how to be more of you or find the courage to express it?

First we have to be able to listen to ourselves. To get used to noticing nudges, to witnessing responses in our bodies, to observing emotions when they come. Our emotions are signposts that must never be ignored. Our bodies give us so many cues that we can easily  ignore. To what makes us feel good, to what really interests us, to what we want to learn more about. To how we want to spend our time, live our life, and who with.

The only way we can develop these skills is to create space. That means free time in our diary to just be. To walk alone, to meditate, to sit and read or do something creative. A time for slowing down, for being quiet, a time that is not filled with doing, racing, thinking, achieving. We need to acknowledge and honour how important this is so that we make it happen regularly - saying ‘no’ to other tempting parts of life at times. This becomes easier when we understand how important this space is and the impact it can have on your life. When we realise that the insights and ideas we might receive in those quiet spacious times can lead us in the right direction for us. This connection to self can help us to honour our hearts, our dreams, who we are, what we want - so that decision making becomes easy and we are less likely to get tugged down a path veering us off course.

Creating time to ‘connect in’ helps you to trust yourself more. To trust your gut instinct, inner knowing, what your heart is telling you. To be less swayed by others opinions - the noise - family, friends, media. Because they aren’t you. They don’t feel what you feel or want what you want. Trusting yourself may be one of the greatest skills you can develop in life. If we can inspire you to do this then we may just have the most important and powerful jobs in the world. 

Being MORE of who you are is urgent, for it will alter the trajectory of your life in all the right ways. More fulfilment, more joy. More vibrancy.