I feel like I need to fill every minute of my day….I can never just ‘be’.

I’ve heard this a lot recently, in fact twice in one day in coaching sessions. Whilst the world speeds up and tries to drag us back to some sort of normalcy, it is very clear that some people are going back to feeling the need to fill every minute of their day.   

We jam pack our days because we believe that being ‘busy’ is the best thing to be; that it's productive, it's what success looks like, it's how things ‘should’ be. Anything else can feel unproductive, lazy, a waste of time and the guilt creeps in that we could be ‘achieving’ in some capacity. Our charming society has created this belief within us, and it's an affliction most of us bear; it's certainly how I operated for most of my life. 

No matter how much we are thriving, our society and the onslaught of messaging we consume subconsciously has taught us that we should be doing all of the things - and right now!! That everything needs to be achieved immediately, that there is an invisible deadline looming. The messages we receive are to rush, hustle, push, move as fast as possible, before someone else gets there! It's exhausting. 

What if the things you prioritised and put your energy and time into were the things that were truly right for you, rather than what you think you ‘should’ be doing? What if the deadline is made up (it is) and you could allow yourself to move towards your dreams and goals more gently and reach them at the time that is right for you?

What if we removed the word ‘should’ from our vocabulary? 

It deeply saddens me that if we don’t honour the need to just ‘be’ - to have time to self to truly relax and gain headspace; then we never really recharge and restore - meaning that we’re constantly running on ‘high’, our nervous systems are fraught, and the people we love are rarely getting the present, undistracted, brilliant version of us. It also means that even when we’re experiencing something wonderful, we’re not fully ‘there’ because all the noise in our heads is distracting us. So we miss out on the joy that exists in our life - how sad is that?!

From a ‘wellbeing’ perspective time to just ‘be’ is critical because it is the only opportunity we get to ‘connect in’. This means being able to go beyond the busy whirlwind of thoughts and to become aware of what lies beneath - the truer thoughts, feelings, emotions and nudges that come from being able to hear our inner voice, our intuition, our gut instinct.

Here lies the other reason that we are so resistant to ‘slowing down’ or not being constantly busy. We don’t want to hear what is really going on, or to feel what might come up. So we distract ourselves and squash those thoughts and feelings. *PSA* squashing it doesn’t mean it goes anywhere! Actually it can manifest and take its toll mentally, emotionally, physically. 

The other thing you need to know? That stuff you don’t want to hear or face that goes ignored and unheard? It is everything you need to know. It is the answer to all of your quandaries and frustrations. Squashing it achieves nothing except unfulfillment, stress and potentially heartache. 

I think people tell themselves that they need to be busy to feel productive, but often beneath it there is a fear of facing their inner world, the shadows, the light and dark. This is completely understandable because it can be uncomfortable, frightening, overwhelming - definitely not light and fun!

So what can you do? How can you ease yourself in? Take a walk alone somewhere quiet for an hour or two. No phone, no headphones, no distractions. In this time the busy head will eventually calm down a little to provide some space for you to ‘connect in’ which simply means being able to take notice of how you are feeling and to listen to yourself. At the very least this space will enable your nervous system to recalibrate, for your head to sort through some of the stuff that is taking up space. At its best your inner voice will get the chance to be heard and provide you a few little messages, nudges and ideas. Don’t ignore them - these are the signposts to what you truly want, need, desire and deserve...and perhaps even the quiet whisperings of what tiny step you need to take next.