HELP... I'm addicted to my phone!
How many times a day do you pick up your phone?
Social media is fun right? It's certainly been a lifesaver during the last year when we wanted to feel a little more connected - and entertained. It's certainly where I consume most of my news and inspiration. But in my role as life coach these last few weeks I've heard from lots of clients that as lockdown drags on, they are more tempted than ever to pick up their phone for a little scroll. I wonder how many times per day I pick up my phone? I’m sure the reality would horrify me. Research shows that in 2020 the average person used their phone for over 4 hours per day; that's 28 hours per week and 17% of our year. No wonder people claim they don’t have enough time for more sleep, sex or yoga!
It’s totally understandable when we are all craving connection and light relief, but the problem lies in this seemingly innocuous habit chipping away at our wellbeing and depriving us from the stuff that genuinely makes us feel good - real human connection, being out in nature, creativity, moving our bodies or losing ourselves in a good book. We humans are unable to use these platforms in a boundaried healthy manner - and it's simply not our fault. We are a pawn in the tech giant’s game - millions of dollars and a tonne of research has gone into creating algorithms with the primary objective of keeping us addicted by tickling our feel-good endorphins whilst we’re in the moment. Weasels! (Sorry weasels that is unkind to you).
Imagine when we’re older and reflect back on our lives only to admit that we spent so much of it looking down at a curated digital world. The saddest part? Subconsciously, we tend to pick up our phones to ‘lose’ ourselves in mindless scrolling when we’re not enjoying how we’re feeling - it provides what feels like an escape. The truth is that we are numbing ourselves - turning away from our own reality and the thoughts / emotions and relationships / situations that need to be acknowledged and dealt with if long term we want to live a genuinely happy life. And so life rumbles on - a little bit numbed and distracted….which also means half lived. Shit man!
How to set boundaries for technology and create more time for things that make us feel good.
The answer? We must regularly remind ourselves WHY it is so important that we get a handle on this, so that we have the motivation to keep on top of it. Then we have to cultivate a serious dose of commitment and discipline to create new habits. So help yourself out - do not attempt to rely on willpower alone here because it will not work! These are my top tips to curb the ‘pick up and scroll’ temptation:
Hide your phone!
When you don’t need to be on your phone, hide it away in another room or in a drawer. It might sound silly, but if your phone is within sight, you have to find the willpower to resist the temptation to pick it up. If it is not in your line of vision, you will forget about it. This is a GAME CHANGER. Suddenly you can focus on all the stuff you want to get done. Bingo!
Switch your notifications OFF:
Truly, I am shocked when people still have notifications on their phones. If you have notifications popping up on your phone screen you are essentially saying ‘yep, i’m fine with being interrupted - constantly’. Hopefully, how you are choosing to spend your time is important to you, e.g. a work project that requires focus or spending time with people you love who deserve your full attention and respect - both require the best version of YOU, which means being fully present rather than distracted. Set designated ‘phone time’ throughout the day - a time that suits you to catch up on social media / whatsapp etc. Try specific time slots for ‘phone use’ eg 20 mins at 11am / 3pm / 8pm.
Boundaries (mini rules!)
No phone zone at all for the first 60 mins of your day - use this time to set yourself up physically, mentally and emotionally for the best day ahead possible. Do things that nourish you and make you feel good - exercise, meditate, stretch, walk outside, play with your children, make a nourishing breakfast, listen to music or a podcast.
Power down hour - no phone (or ideally any technology) for the last 60 mins of your day. Our minds cannot be expected to switch off as soon as we decide we want to sleep. We need to be winding down - read a book, have a bath, listen to music, move your body - anything that soothes your nervous system and doesn’t add more content and information to our already super frazzled minds.
Buy an alarm clock:
Banning your phone from your bedroom may save your mind and your marriage!
Until then, switch your phone on to ‘airplane mode’ so you are not tempted to start scrolling in the bedroom (there’s other things to be doing in there!)
Accountability:
Tell your partner / family member / friend that you are consciously trying to spend less time on your phone - that way they can give you a poke when you absent mindedly pick it up.
Declutter your feed as often as you declutter your house:
As you are scrolling ask yourself:
Does this account inspire me or bring me joy?
How do their posts make me feel?
Do I compare myself to them?
We are missing out on our real lives. There will be an entire generation of children who rarely feel fully seen and heard, desperately trying to get the attention they so deeply crave. Same goes for a partner - relationships will crumble as people feel unseen, unheard, unappreciated and utterly disconnected. Our undivided attention is required at least some of the time for intimacy to exist and deepen in a meaningful and fulfilling way - remember that feeling? It feels a thousand times better and longer lasting than the short term dopamine hit technology brings.
We’re in the same boat as you. We’re all addicted. And there is joy and lightness and connection to be found within it when used in a healthy way. But our real lives - and our headspace - matters so much more. I hope these suggestions help you to reconnect to yours.